by Phil Rowe
At a well-known Air Force base in Ohio, there are many civil Servants who have been there for years. Among them are a number of gray-haired old ladies. Some are secretaries. Others are clerks, and some run other places like supply offices and the base publications and printing shop. Only a small percentage of the people on the base are uniformed military.
A lieutenant colonel friend of mine, whom I had known since we were both Lieutenants flying B-52's, was having a special problem getting his project completed. The problem was that he had an urgent need to get several copies made of documents which his boss wanted .... and wanted as soon as possible.
My friend went to the publications office with a properly filled out work order, duly signed by the numerous bureaucrats who had to approve such things. But, when he told the gray-haired little old lady behind the counter of his urgent need, she merely smiled and said that the best they could do was to have it ready in three to four weeks. My friend needed it that week.
Modern readers may not appreciate that in the 1960's copier machines were not everywhere, and the government kept close control over who used them and for what purpose. In areas like Air Force bases there was concern about unauthorized copying of classified documents. This is why my friend had to go see the little old ladies at the copying center.
An urgent request in some support offices meant you'd get requested work done in a month or so. I hesitate to say what a routine request would take. My friend was clearly bucking head to head with the 'system'. Somehow he had to find a way to obtain truly expedited service, for his boss wouldn't accept the delays that were presented.
So, being a very enterprising young Lieutenant Colonel, and fast becoming wise to the ways of making the system work for him and not against him, he came up with a solution to his problem.
About a day or two later, around the start of the lunch hour, my friend appeared at the desk of that little gray-haired lady who had been his obstacle. He had done some research and learned what it would take to get on her 'good side'.
He appeared at her desk in his Class 'A' uniform, despite the fact that it was summertime and everyone else was in the cooler, short-sleeved uniform. He looked quite handsome, but over his left arm was a white linen towel.
With a flourish and a flair, he spread that white linen towel onto the center of his lady-friend's desk. Then from a paper bag he withdrew a tall glass single-rose vase, complete with bright red rose ..... and placed it at a corer of the towel. Next, he withdrew from the bag a stemmed glass .... and placed it in the center of the towel. Finally, he took out a small baby food jar, unscrewed the lid and poured the contents into the stemmed glass. To complete the task, he deftly plopped an olive into that dry Martini.
The lady soon was smiling from ear to ear. My friend had found out her weakness, and certainly played upon it to the hilt. He not only impressed her with all that personal attention, he quickly realized that he would get his publications job done in short order. In fact, he had the work done that very afternoon and was able to deliver the documents to his boss ahead of schedule.
My friend's dramatic method of solving his problem soon became the talk of the base. He certainly knew how to handle those 'little old ladies in tennis shoes'.